This picture from a vacation five years ago reminds me of how I miss the outdoors. It’s time for me to take a vacation again.
“Friday morning”
The countdown that began for me on Wednesday marched quickly to Friday. The familiar feeling of my heart pounding brought me back to the condition I was afflicted with only six months ago. Thankfully, I was able to slow my heartbeat down by calming myself and breathing slowly.
When I found myself imagining what would happen for me during the medicine healing ceremony, I stopped. I didn’t want to have a predetermined outcome based on my anticipation. I preferred my experience to be one that would be filled with wonderment and surprise, hopefully all positive. I did have the understanding that this would also be intense and purging – there was no escaping that.
So by Friday, the inevitability that the time was growing close had sunk in. I prayed for some relief because the irritation and sadness from my eyesight seemed to be accelerating; I had difficulty opening my eyes. I was certain it was dryness, which I treated diligently with prescribed eye drops. I made a note that if after this weekend my eyes still felt this way, it was time to pursue seeing another eye specialist.
I packed the items I would need and began fasting after a light breakfast. By 4:00 p.m. wooziness had overtaken me, but I wasn’t in tremendous discomfort. It actually felt good to know that I would be lightening my load over this weekend, in more ways than one.
The fear came in waves. I could feel a pit in my stomach followed by waves of adrenaline that caused my heart to pound. But then soothing warmth blanketed me as I reminded myself that this experience was an important one on my journey.
I was ready.
This post title is taken from my song “Clear.” Clicking on the blue link plays audio:
CLEAR #1-7/24/13 Copyright 2011 by J. Unger
CLEAR
Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger
Not long ago I was a child, then a young girl,
Now I’m even older
A woman so wise, but I realize
My life went by quickly, I blinked my eyes
When I grew up, I became sad
Life beat me down; I felt broken
Though it may seem a little extreme
I turned my life around, to follow my dream
I carried on; I lived with heartache
I was so numb; I wasn’t awake
It all changed, when I let go of fear
Beautiful music I could hear
I opened my eyes, life became clear
As I grow old, I’ll keep my smile
All of my tears, gave me compassion
I was asleep; my pain was so deep
I turned my life around; with joy I now weep
I carried on, but inside I wept
I cried for losses I could not accept
It all changed, when I let go of fear
Beautiful music I could hear
I opened my eyes, life became clear
I celebrate; it’s never too late
I turned my life around
No reason to wait
I carried on; I lived with heartache
I was so numb; I wasn’t awake
It all changed, when I let go of fear
Beautiful music I could hear
I opened my eyes, life became clear
When my life ends, I won’t be afraid
I’m grateful for the gift I was given
I celebrate; it wasn’t too late
I turned my life around; got up off the ground
Happiness I found; there was no reason to wait
This is a painting I did for Azar Nut Co. It probably seems like I am going nuts. Perhaps instead, I am coming out of my “shell.”
I miss seeing clearly.
© 2013 by Judy Unger http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
