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THE DOOR
Copyright 2012 by Judy Unger
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When I close the door, and it’s no secret anymore
Then you’ll know; how sad we were together
I left you long ago
When the closet is bare, empty spaces everywhere
But you knew, the truth that I was absent
My distance only grew
When love went away, I just couldn’t stay
It was time; I knew it then
To begin my life again
I knew I’d be ok, even though love went away
My soul I would restore, when I went through that door
When the sheets are still; silence, a TV cannot fill
You must face, my love that slowly vanished
With every empty space
When love went away, I just couldn’t stay
It was time; I knew it then
To begin my life again
I knew I’d be ok, even though love went away
I felt I was worth more, so I went through that door
Now you know,
It’s no secret anymore
I went through the door
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Clicking the blue link plays audio:
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This blog and my resulting transformation began almost four years ago. It truly has been a journey.
I treasured every moment and thanked God for all of my gifts. I rediscovered my love for music and songwriting. I was bursting with tremendous creativity and had boundless energy.
My heart and mind were exploding with inspiration.
Although my life felt meaningful, I carried emptiness inside that became more and more difficult to dismiss. For so long, I did not want to face the fact that I disliked my husband. Affection had vanished for decades before that. Although I accepted it for years and years, tension with his presence made my life unpleasant.
Since I was unable to express my true feelings, I often found myself cursing under my breath. Every night, I hated to enter my bedroom where he was. The T.V. was constantly blaring and I wore headphones to escape. I would close my eyes and dream of peacefulness someday.
My music lifted me out of the insanity and pain. It was more than going to magical places; it was my escape.
I lived two separate lives. One was within my own beautiful and musical world, and the other was in a practical, physical world. In the physical world, I was lonely. With my music, I was complete. I danced between the two, and could not share those feelings with anyone.
When I looked ahead, I clearly saw my beautiful journey within view. There was a time, when I had no excitement about the future. Now I felt certain that I could continue my creative expression if I was willing to make changes to my life.
The greatest meaning for my song “The Door” is that I began to view my future as an exciting new reality for me, rather than unknown and scary. Prior to that, my future felt bleak and empty.
Going through the door was not about leaving; it was about entering a new life.
I was also excited about opening the door to my heart. For a long time, I kept my unhappy marriage a secret.
Once I left, I could openly share my writing, music and feelings again. I embarked upon a wonderful new phase in my life.
This picture was taken during one of my first lessons with Peaches.
I share a transcription of a recording from my voice lessons with Peaches Chrenko during the time I was composing “The Door.” For Part 2, I discuss my discovery of an elusive chorus for this song.
Clicking the blue link below plays audio:
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July, 2012 Lesson #2 about The Door with Peaches Chrenko
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Judy: As far as the new song, the new song – I have to tell you! You know how we talk about my songs as being channeled?
Peaches: Yes.
Judy: I’m not willing to feel the pain right now. It’s too hard to write it. The melody for the verses is so painful that when I hear it I cry. And I want a knockdown, drag-out great chorus but it’s not coming to me. When it comes I’ll know it, but I have to find it. Every so often I sit down and really try hard to find it, but it’s not coming. I must find that melody that’s going to make those verses really exciting – because they’re so great!
But where are they going? They drop off to nothing! (Peaches laughs as Judy mouths and demonstrates)
ONE WEEK LATER:
Judy: I did not consciously figure out what I was going to do with this song. All I knew was that it was really sad. And I think it was about guilt. Because it was like the empty spaces meant, “I’m leaving you, poor thing.”
Peaches: Yeah.
Judy: And what was it going to take for me to write a chorus? I wanted a chorus that was going to grab me and that I could really sing out. Finally, it was on Saturday morning that I just said to myself – if the music isn’t coming, maybe I’ll just write the words. I always do music first. I thought I’d try something different, so I wrote out my feelings.
This is the actual page I wrote in order to discover lyrics for the chorus of this song.
And you know the feelings were a result of anger. That clarified things because the anger was not about feeling guilty!
It was about feeling like I was worth something and that’s why I was leaving.
It crystalized everything in a few sentences. And the thing that’s funny is I don’t know what to name it, but I think I’ve got a good title. I called it “The Door.” Because the last line of my chorus was to go through “the door.”
At first it was “walk out the door.” And I’ve heard that a door is a metaphor – you’re leaving. But a good friend of mine, bless her heart, I love her. She said, “You know a door is also going in.” So instead of saying “walk out the door” I decided my last line is “I went through the door.”
Because you don’t know what’s on the other side!
Peaches: Right!
Judy: Right!
Peaches: Gee, Judy. That is so beautiful – I love the title – I love the concept. I absolutely love it. I love the simplicity of things, especially when the message is profound and very powerful. I love simplistic titles, almost understated titles.
Judy: It’s mysterious! It’s not giving it away. I was thinking if I said, “When love went away” – then right away you know it’s a song where love went away.
Peaches: “The Door” is by far more intriguing – far more interesting.
Judy: You’re not just leaving! You’re going somewhere.
Peaches: That’s right. Everybody can relate to that. Stepping into another part of their life or making a decision. Going through a door is powerful!
Judy: And it tied together with the idea of restoring my soul. Because it’s sort of like, the empty spaces – all of this is because the love is not there.
Peaches: Yeah.
Judy: And that was just the perfect chorus.
Peaches: So many words I like about that. So many phrases – empty spaces – love that!
Judy: I thought that was going to be my title!
Peaches: But it’s great how empty spaces fits within the context of the door. Just really good songwriting – Boy your songwriting you just keep kicking it up, kicking it up, kicking it up!
Judy: Thank you. How do I do it? Because I really don’t sit there to craft it – It just falls out, and when it falls out, it’s like a revelation. Oh, my God, it does this, it does that! I didn’t think of it – it just happened!
Peaches: The beautiful chords, oh my, God – so many chords in the chorus.
Judy: A lot of changes.
Peaches: They’re really moving and the melody moves beautifully over them.
(Judy demonstrates a section with her guitar)
Judy: And then on the second time of “When love when away” could have been the same but instead I decided to go down with a walk-down. “I knew I’d be okay” is the same melody – I was trying to decide which chords to do first.
Peaches: What decisions, Judy!
Judy: And then originally, the second part of the chorus I was going to repeat. “When love went away, I knew I’d be okay.” But I decided to switch it. I did, “I knew I’d be okay, even though love went away.”
Peaches: Ooh, I like that! I like when that happens.
Judy: I’m reinforcing it, but it’s also comforting to know that I’d be okay.
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THE FOLLOWING WEEK:
I’m doing so much music that I think I’m going to explode. It’s the best time in my life – I’m telling you. If I didn’t have this I’d probably wither inside. Instead, I feel like this garden is just blooming around me.
Peaches: Isn’t that something?
Judy: I walk around, and flowers bloom. I swear the sun is shining through the clouds right on me! It’s incredible.
Peaches: It’s amazing.
Judy: It is amazing. Thank you, God.
(Judy plays the song on her guitar and starts crying)
This image is the front door of my former house. The lighting on this photo amazed me.
© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
