MUSIC FROM MY HEART
One day, I began to play
Silence turned to song; it was the start
All my sadness went away and I was healed
With music from my heart, from my heart
I thought I’d always mourn, trauma from my past
And when I was reborn, healing came at last
So many tears I’d cry, I did grieve
So many years went by, I didn’t believe
Sorrow would leave . . .
When I began to write, I felt so alive
I found my insight; I didn’t just survive
I sang and my tears dried, no one guessed
About my pain inside, I expressed
I was blessed . . .
With grief there was no sound; and it would seem
Joy I had finally found; hope became my theme
Now I could dream . . .
I was sad for so long; now my world was filled with song,
That day, I began to play silence turned to song
It was the start; all my sadness went away
And I was healed with music from my heart
The music from my heart
Click the blue link below to play audio:
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Below is a link to Part 1 of this story:
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I recorded vocals for “Music From Her Heart” two months ago. At the same time, I began working on a new arrangement where my song lyrics would change into first person.
Switching from singing in third person to first person was very significant for me.
In order to explain some of my feelings surrounding this I wrote a parable, which is at the end of this post.
I’ve noticed that I’m thinking less about my technique since I recorded that vocal. When I sang it two months ago, I was very distraught about my eyesight condition due to vitreous detachment in both my eyes. Someday, I plan to record this song again and sing it with more joy and abandon.
It seems that as a result of my Ayahuasca experience, I am much calmer and more accepting about life. I’ve noticed that I’m enjoying singing more because I’ve removed a lot of pressure. It was a difficult decision for me to halt my voice lessons, but for now I see some benefits. Certainly, what I learned with my teacher, Kimberly Haynes completely changed my voice. I was blessed to find her and plan to continue implementing what she taught me.
Another change since my life-changing weekend retreat is that I’ve decided to divorce myself from food (funny for me to use the word divorce, but that’s what it feels like!). It has been a lifelong struggle for me to maintain a comfortable weight and the feeling of being out of control has wasted so much of my energy. I am grateful that since my healing weekend, something has shifted and I’m much more aware of the benefits of “eating lightly.” It’s working for me, and weight is started to drop off. I am quite used to comforting and numbing myself with food. In the past, I took care of myself that way but I see my new approach as far more loving.
I’ve decided that my time on earth is very precious and this truly is the best time in my life. Despite the challenge of adjusting to irritating eyesight, because of music my life is beautiful and inspirational beyond measure.
I wake up every day feeling blessed and love following my dream.
In this picture, I am with my childhood friend, Joni.
“Spa Day”
Two weeks ago, I spent the day with my childhood friend, Joni. She drove us to visit her elderly mother who lived an hour away. There was a lot of traffic, but the time flew by as my good friend and I caught up on our lives.
Joni and I had many memories from our childhood and so many of them returned because I was living in same coop where we grew up. Joni lived in an adjacent unit and we occasionally played together from the time we were toddlers until I married when I was 20. After that we stayed in touch, but often didn’t talk for years.
This picture of Joni and I before our high school graduation day was taken on the same walkway outside the coop where I now live.
A lot of frustration for us as children related to the fact that Joni was seldom ever allowed to play. She was required to work in her parents’ dry-cleaning store every day after school.
Joni was like a member of my family. She was very influenced by the observance of religion in my home and she is now far more religious than my own family was. There was no doubt about how close she was to my parents and she often visited my mother at her nursing home.
My best memories with Joni were on family vacations. She was a part of my family.
I had hardly seen Joni’s mother in over thirty years and decided to make the time to go with Joni for a visit. It would be interesting to see this woman, who I viewed as so powerful and business driven when I was growing up.
I knew Joni carried a lot of scars from her childhood, but it wasn’t visible that day. Our time visiting her mother was really beautiful to absorb. Her mother was docile and sweet; both were extremely loving to each other.
We spent the day at a beauty school. The treatments were fairly inexpensive and while Joni’s mother was getting her hair done, Joni and I had facials and manicures. I was truly in a reverie because I seldom took a break from all my passions. It was so relaxing.
The beauty students were gracious and enthusiastic and I could tell that everyone around us were touched by the stories Joni and I shared about our lives; there was something inspirational about us being together. After my facial, many people came over to tell me I was glowing.
I certainly was.
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After eating dinner with her mother, it was late and time to head home. There was traffic again and both of us were tired. I asked Joni if I could sing because it would be excellent practice for me. She said she would be delighted, so I plugged my iPod into a speaker and began singing along to many karaoke versions of my songs.
It was so beautiful that Joni knew the lyrics to my songs and sang along with me!
Our drive was magical and went by quickly. Joni told me that my singing aloud meant more to her than I could ever imagine.
It was completely inspired because I never imagined us being grown ups together in this way!
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This picture was taken in the dressing room shortly before my wedding.
I Became the Princess
The Princess treasured her fairy named Melody. Melody was close to her and snuggled next to her pillow every night. She whispered in the Princess’s ear and dried each and every one of her tears.
Melody noticed the Princess was regaining her strength. She was beginning to open her eyes again and there were fewer tears. Melody was relieved. Although the “spider of sadness” spun webs around them, the Princess continued to gingerly brush the webs aside.
Nothing had really changed for the Princess with her eyesight; the difference was that she began to accept her condition. Music kept her joyful, so she focused all her energy upon that. Singing was actually a perfect expression for her. Over the last three decades she hadn’t been able to find her voice. Now that she had discovered it, there was complete joy for her with singing.
It inspired the Princess to write a parable describing how she saw her music as a beautiful “song garden.”
The Princess told Melody that after she finished writing her parable, it felt as if the story belonged to someone else. With seriousness, she told Melody, “I cannot write about the Princess any longer.”
Melody understood and the Princess was clear about her reasons.
For decades she had no voice, but she did now. She learned how to connect with her vocal cords and with her honest feelings.
The Princess told Melody that when she first separated it was difficult to write about the end of her marriage. Imagining her ex-husband as a Dragon was far easier. She felt uncomfortable with her honesty, so it felt safer writing from a distance by using “she” instead of “I.”
But now, the Princess knew she was safely away from the Dragon and proud that she had come so far. He had fathered their beautiful children and there were many memories, not all sad ones.
He was only a dragon when she carried emotions that weighed her down. Releasing fear, anger and guilt freed her. She had gone through a tunnel and had emerged into sunlight.
Now she could bid him farewell.
She was completely ready to let go of being a Princess. It never felt true because she had served her husband, her parents and her children for decades. Cinderella might have been a more accurate image, except she never expected a prince would come to rescue her.
She was simply an ordinary middle-aged woman who embraced her passion and found courage.
She thanked God every single day that it wasn’t too late to turn her life around.
Now she was lighter than a feather and felt herself lifting off the ground.
Melody would be her wings now.
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© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
