I’m in my happy place when I’m recording music from my bedroom! Link to lyrics, stories and performances: IN THE PAST
It was a quiet Sunday morning and I had just finished recording low guitar for another song. Eventually, I would add three more guitar parts and a vocal. And then after that, my arranger and I would have fun creating further instrumentation.
The week before, I had finalized the arrangement for my song “In the Past.” The lyrics held so much wisdom and the line “I’ve kept my smile” was a great title for this post.
I plan to write more soon about my feelings related to those lyrics.
I hope it won’t be long before my current struggles are “in the past.”
In five days, I will be undergoing surgery to remove a cancerous lesion in my breast.
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This photo was taken last year at a butterfly exhibit.
I am that butterfly – tattered, radiant and still flying.
The last time I wrote for my blog, I was chuckling over accidentally flushing a fork down the toilet. I’m so glad I’ve kept my smile – through it all!
Slogging through discomfort and pain is never fun. For twelve years, I I’ve learned to live with chronic dry eye discomfort. But this year, that has improved.
For over seven months, I was on a waiting list for a brow lift. I hoped this procedure would help with my eye pain. Sometimes, I could hardly open my eyes.
Image may be NSFW.
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Finally, I received a call scheduling my surgery a month later. I met with the plastic surgeon and he explained that my procedure was going to be a “temporal brow lift.” The scars would be on my temples, hidden under my hair.
The surgery went well and I was able to manage with the post-surgical pain. I was elated to realize immediately that I could much more easily open my eyes. The fatigue from my lids resting on my lashes was gone!
This realization kept me upbeat and I decided to completely focus on solving all my other problems.
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During a live stream not long after my surgery, I showed off my scars!
I didn’t want this post to be a laundry list of medical issues. But here it comes . . .
Earlier this year, I suffered a horrible allergic reaction to an antibiotic taken for a dental issue. That was only the beginning.
In May, I tore my meniscus while playing tennis.
The pain from this injury was unbearable. I went to Urgent Care when I couldn’t walk. It was incredibly depressing, but eventually I could slowly walk again. I hurt it a second time and went to ER with the hope of finally getting an MRI.
It took well over a month for that to happen. Two orthopedic doctors told me the torn meniscus was the least of my problems. Suddenly, I was told that I had significant arthritis and was looking at a knee replacement in my future.
I was so proud that I was able to come back and play tennis after breaking my ankle five years ago. A mourning process set in about whether I could ever play again after this injury. I prayed for healing every day. Losing my ability to play tennis seemed small compared with using a cane just to get around my apartment.
On top of limping and moaning – I was also dealing with stomach issues. I had a colonoscopy last week and am still waiting for answers.
At first, it seemed small that my mouth had sores. But then the problem continued to worsen. I had terrible pain in my cheeks, because I kept accidentally biting them. Sometimes, it was simply hard to talk because of the pain.
I consulted with an orthodontist and she recommended that I remove my three remaining wisdom teeth. I had held onto them for far too long!
As I planned for the extraction, I received a message that a routine mammogram had a questionable area. I went back for more tests and after that a biopsy appointment was scheduled.
I added the biopsy appointment to my list of things to get through. I wasn’t too worried waiting on results. But then I received a call that I had a cancerous lesion.
Now I was looking at much more to deal with!
There was one Friday, where I had five different medical appointments at the same facility. I found it almost funny and once again, marveled that I was able to manage it all on my own.
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I am thankful that I am able to swim in the apartment pool where I live every day.
I jumped on scheduling my wisdom teeth extraction. I wanted it done before embarking on my newest recovery journey through cancer.
My oral surgeon was confident I would do fine. After over a dozen Novocain injections, he started pulling. One, two, three, and it was soon over. I drove home and wasn’t even swollen. I was so proud that I made it through. And after about three weeks, my cheeks began to heal and were no longer raw!
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I have been able to deal with everything because I continue to smile. Occasionally, there are tears. I allow them, because I don’t want to deny any of my feelings anymore.
The support from my friends and family has made a huge difference. Since my diagnosis, I’ve had one significant relationship repaired and intimacy restored with several important people in my life.
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I treasure messages from my many online friends.
I am thankful for early detection because my prognosis is excellent. My lumpectomy is scheduled for August 23rd and I will learn more about follow-up treatment after that.
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Every Sunday, I perform on the app Insight Timer. My one-hour live stream was the highlight of my week. There’s a link to my live sessions on the left side of my blog – it’s free to join.
My audience has appreciated my authenticity.
An Australian friend I correspond with wrote me to say, “Judy, it’s great that you shared your cancer diagnosis and the benefit of finding it early. Perhaps you have encouraged someone to get a mammogram they were putting off!”
I continue to sing every week, even though sometimes I’ve questioned whether I was up to it.
But like Cinderella, for one magical hour I become a princess.
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I end this complicated update with a beautiful comment from one of my Insight Timer listeners.
I connected with Judy’s music on a live 2-3 years ago. Hearing her music and witnessing how it moved her through the heaviness of grief at one of her heaviest moments, inspired me.
Judy’s Sunday sessions were a blessing. I’d show up with myself, listen, and allow whatever was present for me. She confirmed the hope in just allowing and creatively transmuting any pain and confirmed the power of choice.
She was raw and vulnerable allowing whatever was to simply be – an off note, tears, or just a song. She shared what was present, an honest approach. I love her and hold a great sense of gratitude for her presence. She’s a beautiful woman with a kind and generous heart.
My journey through that time in my life was less filled with anguish and more with a sense of peace because she was there.
Image may be NSFW.
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