On October 6th, 2022, it will be 30 years since my 5-year-old son Jason died. For this looming “30 year anniversary of the heart,” I read from my book on Insight Timer’s Live platform. It was very emotional.
Even though it’s been three decades, I kept my promise to Jason. At his funeral I tearfully announced, “I will keep his memory alive!” Jason is very much a part of my music and songs. When I sing, I feel spiritually connected to him.
I have a box in my closet that is filled with memorabilia about Jason. I plan to pull it out again this week. In 2010, I carefully sifted through that box before writing a gut-wrenching story describing how it felt to lose my child. In 2018, I self-published a book with that story and named it “Beside Me Always.” (I am much more attached to the audio version, which I recorded myself several times before hiring a professional reader.)
I believe that writing released so much of my pain. Not long afterwards. I started healing. Then I picked up my guitar, which I hadn’t played for decades, and began to sing again. The first song I played was my song “Beside Me Always.”
Clicking on this image leads to where it can be purchased on Amazon.
A few months ago, I attended a funeral at the cemetery where Jason is buried. I went to visit his grave and was in awe when I thought about how much has happened since he died. But I felt like Jason wasn’t really gone.
For these three decades, he has surrounded me with his love.
Jason’s artwork. He emphasized his heart and looks like an angel.
